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Health & Fitness

Going to the Chapel

Musings on marriage equality as same-sex marriages come to New Jersey

Eighteen years ago today, I went on a date with someone I had met on America Online. When he walked into my apartment, he went to pick up my cat. I warned him not do so because my boy wasn’t the friendliest feline. To my amazement, a purring Mulder allowed this man to pick him up, hold him, and stroke his chin. I cooked dinner. We sat in my dining room, ate, and talked for hours. Before long, we started dating. Not ready to “live in sin,” we lived in side-by-side apartments for a couple years before taking the plunge a few years later and moving in together. We welcomed other felines to our family — Vasquez, Tabby, Sciuto. We supported each other through a cancer diagnosis and vision problems, through our artistic pursuits. Fourteen years after our first date, Eric Wolff and I got married in a wonderful twilight ceremony on our friends’ rooftop deck in Provincetown, Massachusetts.

In just a few hours, at long last marriage equality is coming to New Jersey. Same-sex couples across the state will be tying the knot. Couples like Louise and Marsha, who have been together for nearly a quarter of a century and who have been at forefront of the fight for marriage equality. Couples like Jim and Larry, who became our friends and neighbors when we lived in Mount Laurel. Jim and Larry, who have been together for twenty-three years, moved to Collingswood about a year ago. This Friday, they, too, will be getting hitched. There are other couples we know who are planning their nuptials. And many more who have tied the knot in other states in recent months — Rich and Ray, Alexandre and Sean, Donna and Janet, Angelo and Jordi. If the lawyers’ words hold true, their marriages, our marriage, will be legally recognized by the state of New Jersey. It’s truly a monumental day.

A few people have asked us if we’re planning to get hitched in Jersey. The other day, while I was off supporting my parents through my mom’s surgery, Eric contacted me to see if I wanted to get married again, this time in our home state. I told him that I personally wanted to allow this moment to be about those who have been waiting patiently for marriage equality to become a reality in New Jersey. We have our marriage license from Massachusetts. We have cherished memories of our wedding. Perhaps we'll tie the knot anew next summer when we celebrate our fifth anniversary. For now, I'd like to sit back and watch as our friends bask in love and equality.

To all the couples about to get married, Mazel Tov to each of you! To those who fought the fight for marriage equality, you are our heroes. Each one of you has altered the course of history forever. Relish that fact and bask in the equality that you have made reality.

An addendum: check out this interview with Keith and Anthony, the first same-sex couple in Collingswood to obtain a marriage license. Congrats, guys!

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